There’s a workplace theme that surprises me every time I see it: the excommunication. This phenomenon occurs when an employee leaves a job and their old manager decides to excommunicate them.

Given how common it is to have multiple employers during a career, this adds up to a lot of professional hate. A job change shouldn’t create the same animosity as a bad breakup?

Earlier in my career, an employee came to me with a presentation on why they deserved a promotion and a raise. And, they weren’t wrong. They were doing a great job and deserved more money.

Unfortunately, giving a raise isn’t always possible. I was honest with the person that a raise wasn’t in the cards at that moment. If they needed more money, I explained, I would support them in a job search and provide a reference. I also committed to not holding a grudge.

The employee was both disappointed and relieved. They were allowed to pursue their own needs without the fear of rejection or retaliation.

Employees sometimes leave because they hate their manager. But there are a number of other reasons. I once left a job to go back to graduate school. I left another because a better position became available at another company, and there was no opportunity to grow at my old company.

I once left a job when the company decided to transition from a for-profit to nonprofit.

There are many reasons people leave that have nothing to do with their manager. But, somehow, many managers take it as an insult when an employee leaves.

I’ve observed managers share terrible, sometimes-untrue stories about once beloved employees. I’ve seen managers try to stop an employee who has left from getting another job. Some managers will stop at nothing to get revenge.

It’s really unfortunate. In this thing called life, you never know who might be the more senior person later. Or, you never know when you might end up working together again. You also never know when you might need a reference from that person.

I know that it hurts when someone leaves. You depended on them, and they’re leaving a gap. You have to tell your boss that someone quit. You have to help do their work until you find someone new, if you are able to backfill their role.

I get it. It feels bad. But it’s not always personal.

If you are the manager, be the bigger person. Congratulate them. Take them to lunch to celebrate. Say the same kind words after they have left that you would have shared before them leaving.

Starting a new chapter in their life doesn’t negate all of the great work they have done for you in the past. And, who knows, you might want to work together in the future.

Angela Copeland, a leadership and career expert, can be reached at www.angelacopeland.com.